You gave me life
Now show me how to live
-Audioslave
For the record, I think Oprah’s the antichrist. Okay, not seriously. I’d be lying if I said I’ve always been immune to her power (yes, power) —but I grew out of that stage during my last year of high school. (So yayy!).
That being said, I happened to watch a clip of her show on YouTube last week. This clip was over ten years old and discussed the troubling life of an anorexic, Radine. I’m not quite sure why I decided to click on an image of a woman who looked like death in human form, but I’m grateful I did. In the clip, a recovered anorexic, Tracy Gold, (Mike Seever’s sister in Growing Pains—and yes, Mike is the hot one) sat next to Radine on stage and told her that she could get better just like she managed to do herself. Tracy, engrossed with emotion, told her to “nourish her brain, her soul, her spirit, her body..” and weak, fragile Radine just looked at her with wide eyes and interrupted— “but HOW do you do that?” she asked Tracy, who proceeded to feed her this fluffy, motivational blabber. Nadine failed in following Tracy’s tips for recovery and died in a hospital only a couple of months later. It’s easy to tell people what to do—but it’s harder to tell, or rather, show them HOW.
Wouldn’t life be so much better if there was a How-To book we could follow? I’ve asked successful people what to do to have a better life. They’ve told me: learn, pray, work, laugh, and love.
Ok, so now I know what to do. But how in the world am I supposed to do this? What if something’s too hard for me to learn? How often should I pray? Where do I work? When do I laugh? Whom should I love? Frankly, having a list of things to do isn’t enough. Ingredients aren’t sufficient—I need directions.
The secret to being happy, from what I gathered from Tracy Gold and numerous motivational speakers, is—get this—being happy! Want to know the secret to accepting yourself? Loving yourself! The secret to being confident? Trust yourself! To having high self-esteem? Believe in yourself!
The problem with all of this is, well, it’s absolute bullshit. When people ask for help, it’s often because they’ve seen some other person attain the level of success they want for themselves. When we ask for advice, we usually want to hear from someone who’s gone through a situation similar to ours so we can relate to them. But, Slumdog Millionaire’s path to happiness doesn’t really apply to me.
Want to know what I think? I believe most people in the world are happy by chance. I know, that may seem a bit pessimistic—hard work results in happiness, right? That’s why we’re all working so hard, isn’t it?
Maybe we would all be just a little better off if we admitted that we have no idea what we’re doing. Maybe Tracy Gold could’ve saved a life if she stopped trying to sound like a happy fairy, and just said, “Hey look, I didn’t know how to heal myself. I’m not sure how I’m healthy again. I just had great support from other people. Maybe they helped me by being there for me emotionally. Maybe it was because of that one night I spent in prayer. Maybe it was because that one guy told me I was beautiful just the way I was. I’m not sure how you can do it, but keep trying.”
As much as we’d like to think some of our success stories can be applied to the lives of others, the truth is that it’s just not that simple. None of us know what we’re doing. So maybe we’d all just benefit a bit more by looking at the person next to us and saying, “keep trying, and I’ll help.” I don’t think the source of Nadine’s problem was simply herself. If there were more people surrounding her and supporting her, not merely during her illness but prior to, she may have developed a greater degree of confidence. If we all just quit focusing on our own steps to happiness, maybe we’d realize that everyone around us is trying to get to the same place and none of us know how to get there. Perhaps, if we supported one another, we’d get there a bit sooner. So, to anyone trying to be happy, keep trying... I’m not sure how I can help, but I will. What do we have left to lose?
P.S. I am writing this at 3 am in the middle of a difficult week. I’m young, emotional, and tend to ramble…I probably won’t agree with most of this tomorrow. My worldview changes from week to week.
Picture borrowed from cdn.sheknows.com
Stumbled on this blog through an e-mail link. Happiness comes through having a purpose to your life. If you find that one thing that fulfills you, gives you joy, connects you to something larger than yourself--well, you've found your lifelong passion and calling. From what I've experienced, it doesn't come as an Aha moment. Rather, it's a gradual process that comes over time, as you mature, fail, learn, grow. I floundered after finishing school, wondering what the heck life was all about and where I fit. It all seemed pretty random and I would get discouraged by the lack of direction. Two things changed me. First, I met a seventy-year old pastor with a lifetime of wisdom and practical learning. It was crazy, but he took an interest in me and my screwed-up life. Shoot, it didn't matter so much to me that he was a preacher; what mattered was that he had gone through seven decades of shit and could offer me perspective beyond my limited years. Second, I stopped focusing on what made me happy and on giving my time and energies to helping others. Weird, but it actually helped pull me out of my funk and got me to enjoy life again. I'll be the first to tell you that my life's still a mess, but I'm not where I once was. It's progress. It's living in the moment. And it's the road to finding yourself and what makes you truly happy. So ramble away, 'cause it's part of the process we all have to go through.
Posted by: Joe | 02/10/2010 at 04:49 PM